My daughter, my friend

(Rachel clowning around with her best friend on her birthday last summer)

Last Friday, I spent the sweetest day with my oldest child. This girl of 10, this quiet soul, is a joy to be around. I received my allergy diagnosis Wednesday evening, and I had Friday off because of parent-teacher conferences (we worked Tues and Thurs evening and received Fri off as comp time). Rachel and I decided we needed a girls' day (more specifically, a 'big girls' day' so dad kept Emma at home) and we headed to the Tri-Cities. During the drive (about 40 minutes), Rachel asked to look over my allergy portfolio. She asked a lot of questions, and by the time we reached our destination she knew my allergies better than I did.

Our hometown has limited options for grocery shopping, especially for anyone on a restricted diet, so Rachel agreed to check out a few stores for things I could eat before heading to the mall for the fun stops.

Anyone who knows me in real life knows I'm not overly emotional or prone to bursting into tears, but that girl of mine had me on the verge several times that day.

In the grocery stores, she was a diligent label-reader. She quickly learned that casein, whey, and a number of other terms all meant dairy. She didn't just look at foods I suggested... she was on a mission, desperate to find foods that I could safely enjoy. Not just safe, but foods that I would like. The passion she showed in her endeavor stunned me. For the first time in my life, my daughter was watching out for me. It was humbling, and I have never been so proud of her.

We spent the rest of the day wandering. No agenda, no clock. Just the two of us. We spent nearly an hour in Barnes & Noble, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the shelf full of Newberry Award winners discussing our favorite books. I already had a pretty good idea about what books she liked because we discuss them frequently, but this was the first time she had ever really asked me about my favorites. We brought 'Sara, Plain and Tall' home with us and read it in two nights with Emma in our laps hanging on every word. Tomorrow, our librarian friend is bringing us 'Skylark' and 'Caleb's Story' to continue the series. We are already looking forward to Anne of Green Gables and the Little House series. It makes my heart sing to know that my daughter loves the same books I love.

We went to the bath shop and picked out a special vanilla lotion just for Rachel. She is prone to dry skin and eczema, and I secretly worry that she might have allergies, too.

When it was time for lunch, Rachel gave up an opportunity to eat at her favorite restaurant because she was certain I wouldn't be able to eat anything there. Again, I was nearly brought to tears by her thoughtfulness and protectiveness.

All the way there, back, and around town we talked. We talked about books, we talked about school (she loves homeschooling, by the way), we talked about my childhood in more than just anecdotes. Through our discussion of literature, I was able to discuss some of my deepest hurts from my own childhood and how they have shaped me into the person I am and why I make some of the parenting choices I do. Rachel's ability to sympathize and to empathize nearly had me in tears again. She is an amazing child.

We talked about math and over the lunch table we worked out a lesson on calculating percentages and making conversions between percentages, fractions, and decimals. She learns so quickly. She has an amazing capacity for growth.

Best of all, we spent the day walking hand-in-hand, and sneaking hugs, and speaking words of love and acceptance. We were on the go for over eight hours, but I returned home feeling rested and refreshed. It was an amazing day with an amazing girl.

We are going to do it again soon.

(I didn't mean it like that....)

On June 11, 2009 I awoke to a beautiful day at the Oregon Coast, surrounded by my dear husband and children. With the sun creeping over the cliffs and the ocean whispering a soothing tune, I welcomed my 40^th birthday. Returning home from our vacation, I sat up late one night and updated my blog. While my family slept, I reflected on my life to date and dreamed of what the future might hold. I contemplated our journey of the past few years: my health trials, the completion of our family (before I felt I was ready, but that's a story for another time), the loss of the generation who was our guiding light and strength and encouragement. I thought about all we had been through, about what turning forty symbolized to me. It felt like I was stepping over a threshold into a new phase of my life, and at that moment I decided to rename my blog 'the next chapter'. The name was meant to symbolize the closing of a chapter of my life punctuated by pain and frustration and loss, to symbolize my desire to herald in a new season. I knew the next chapter would hold its share of trials and tribulations along with joys and milestones. I knew 'the next chapter' was not in my control and that there would still be challenges, but I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean for 'the next chapter' to symbolize a complete change in my life but rather a gradual, subtle growth.

I am a realistic person. I know that a birthday doesn't ruin your whole life, as some of my friends seem to believe, nor does it make past problems disappear. It's just a birthday. It's just a number. What I did believe is that I had reached a stalemate with my illness. I might not be getting better, but I wasn't getting worse. I was out of options with doctors because the ones who wanted to help had done all they could with the technology available, and the rest didn't know where to begin. I was in a holding pattern.

Last week, the holding pattern broke. It was a good news/ bad news situation. The good news: we seem to have found a piece of the puzzle that has been missing and I may have some hope for feeling better. The bad news: I have to make some major lifestyle changes. Changes that are hard. Changes that affect my family and the way I socialize and the way I live my life each day.

I am frustrated, and excited, and sad, and nervous, and angry, and puzzled, and hopeful, and worried. I am overwhelmed.

Apparently, I have food allergies. Apparently, I have quite a few of them. Most of them are making me sick, two of them could potentially kill me. I can honestly say that I didn't expect that result. The major allergies are gluten, dairy, and eggs. (The two scary allergies are dairy and beef. Seriously, beef. I never saw that one coming. I love a good steak.) You don't realize how prevalent those foods are until you try to find things to eat that don't have them. (And did I mention that I've always been a bit of a picky eater?)

I was certain I had food intolerances, suspicious that I might have allergies. Ever since Emma was born I've had trouble with milk and bread and pasta and yogurt. For the past year, I've been having weak, dizzy spells that my internist thought were related to reactive hypoglycemia, even though repeated glucose testing did not detect dangerously low blood sugar. Turns out they were related to allergies, and looking back I can tie every single episode to consumption of either milk or beef. (It's amazing how good hindsight can be.)

On the bright side, I am finding that I have more support than I would have imagined. Have you seen this post? Misha, thank you for caring and for taking the time to share your vast knowledge. You are a treasure! I've had a few other people offer to share information, too.

So here I am, truly entering 'the next chapter' (even though I didn't mean it like that). I am grateful for a supportive husband and family. I am grateful for friends who care and for those who have traveled this road before me. I am grateful that this news could potentially bring at least partial healing. I am grateful that I don't have to be in charge of this, and that my God is bigger than me and bigger than this challenge. I am grateful that, even though this is frustrating for me, it's not something terrible. There are much, much worse things than allergies.

Welcome to 'the next chapter', where this forty-year-old woman remembers to be grateful.

HALLOWEEN 2009

This time last year I was still recovering from having my pacemaker implanted. Todd's mom took the kids to pick out Halloween costumes… Rachel ended up with a witch costume (NOT something I ever would have chosen, but it was close to Halloween and she had trouble finding something in her size). This year, she decided to wear it again. I am still not crazy about the costume, but I am pretty crazy about the little girl in it. I was also happy to not worry about making or buying a costume.

Surprisingly, Connor chose to wear his costume from last year again also (if you're not a Star Wars fan, that's Jango Fett you're looking at). I can't believe they both fit into the same costumes they wore last year!!

I think they had more fun watching Emma discovering the holiday than they did collecting candy. I wasn't sure how things would work with the big age difference, but they are both amazing with her!!

Miss Emma was in her element this year. Thanks to a hand-me-down poodle costume from someone my mother-in-law knows and a monkey costume my aunt found at a yard sale, she had two costumes to choose from. She wore the pink poodle costume for trick-or-treating on Main Street on Friday afternoon and again to visit family on Saturday. We stripped her out of her costume to eat dinner, and when it was time to get dressed to trick-or-treat in our neighborhood, she decided it was time to try out the monkey costume. I'm not sure which I like better… I think she was pretty cute in both of them. (And of course I'm not one bit biased.) I loved watching her march up to the doors with her older siblings and telling people "trick-or-treat" and "Happy Halloween". She really came out of her shell for the night and had a wonderful time.

I hope you all had a wonderful time, too.

The best part of Halloween for me: When it's over it's time for Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! Hooray for the holidays!!!!

Blessings to all of you!

Isn't she cute?

It was a big week at our house!

Rachel received a sparkly new smile (isn't she pretty??!!)

At the orthodontist's office with her shiny new braces.

The 'before' picture, taken early that morning.

The kids completed a scavenger hunt challenge from the high school/middle school librarian. Their challenge: to find the structure in our county which is built from polyhedrons, research the history of the structure, and estimate how many polyhedrons were used in the structure. The prize: candy bars (and a new challenge).

Todd and the kids accompanied me and my high school students as we walked in the Pendleton Round-Up parade. This is the fifth year my students have done this as a promotion for our local Coca-Cola distributor. The kids have a blast (big and little kids alike), and we earn a little money for our program. The poor girl in the polar bear costume nearly had a heat stroke, but other than that it was a great time.

My high schoolers and I also spent two (very late) nights handing out samples after the bullriding event at the rodeo.

Todd and the kids snuck out for a little nature trip and some fly fishing. Both big kids caught fish (Todd caught a few too), they all found some lovely nature treasures, and the trip sparked some very creative stories from the kids (written from the fish's perspective).

And please, oh please, don't ask me about Emma's outfit... or where she found the binky. All I know is that she was clean, dressed in a cute sundress, and binky-free when I came home. Were it not for the pictures on the camera, I could have lived in complete ignorant bliss!

~treasures~

I'm thinking of changing the subtitle of my blog; "writing the story of my life one month at a time" might be more appropriate, and even that is a stretch. My poor little blog is so neglected that I'm pretty sure I only have about three people reading any more, but that's ok. I'm not ready to hang it up yet. (And thanks to you three for checking in on me periodically!)

I have so much I want to share, but my energy level has been at an all time low and I can't sit here and think straight enough to type it out. Every day someone asks me how I'm feeling, and I always tell them I'm better because most people want an answer that makes them feel comfortable rather than an honest report. Plus, I feel like this chronic illness thing has got to be wearing thin with most people. I know I'm sure sick of it (no pun intended). I struggle with the concept that this will most likely be the way I am for the rest of my life (or it may get much worse). In some ways I do feel better than I did this time last year and the pacemaker has helped some. But in many ways I'm not better at all. Because my entire digestive tract is not working right, I'm not absorbing nutrients properly. Despite a careful diet and more supplements than I care to take, bloodwork shows that I am deficient in everything we've checked. Bottom line: I feel really rotten for at least 3-4 hours each day, I feel sort of rotten most of the rest of the time, and I have zero energy. I am making it through the workday, but barely. Please don't think less of me for whining. I really didn't mean to share this much here, but to tell the truth it feels good to write it down plus I really covet your prayers (all three of you!).

Anyway, the real reason I decided to create a new post was to share a few treasures with you. I have spent an emotional summer sorting through my Granny's house, dividing up treasures among family members and trying to get the rest ready to sell. I am trying not to bring anything home to our little house unless I can use it immediately or it brings me such joy that I can't leave it behind. Here are a few of my Granny's things that I love:

This vintage print, titled "Kitty's Breakfast" used to hang over the bed I slept in when I stayed at my grandparents' house. I remember lying in bed
in the morning, listening to my grandparents' morning routine, smelling pancakes cooking and Grandpa's stong coffee. I have always loved this print and associated it with warmth and comfort, and I'm so happy that it now hangs in Miss Emma's bedroom. I'm not sure if it originally belonged to my mom or her sister, they don't remember, but the younger of the two is 59 so I'm guessing this print is over 50 years old.

This little red hat. I don't have any memories attached to it, but it reminds me of a gentler time, when everyone wore hats and little girls wore white gloves. I found it in a hat box on my Granny's top shelf.

Next to it is a leatherbound volume of poetry that was given to me a few years ago by Todd's Grandma (she passed away in February, just before Granny). The handwritten inscription on the inside cover is dated 1908. It contains a lot of poetry that is now considered classic (Tennyson, Keats, Longfellow, Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Lord Byron, Shakespeare, and MacDonald, plus many others) and I try not to pick it up if I'm in a hurry because I seem to lose time when I open the cover.

My Granny's flour sifter, straight from her flour bin to mine. I have never stored my sifter in my flour bin because I don't sift for that many recipes, but hers just seems more at home there so that is where it will reside. As an added bonus, every time I bake I think of my Granny. She was famous for her pies (especially huckleberry) and her Santa Claus cookies. I even have her Santa Claus cookie cutter!

Remind me closer to the holidays to share her recipe and tell you about our family cookie tradition....

And the quilts. Oh my, the quilts. In a cabinet in the laundry room we discovered four quilts and six quilt tops (four are shown here) that were made by Granny's mother who died in 1924 when Granny was only three years old. The patterns are beautiful and every stitch was sewn by hand. Two of the finished quilts need some minor repairs, one has some stains. My cousin took the one finished quilt that was in perfect condition but they gave the rest to me because I was the only one who ever quilted with Granny and Grandpa. The quilting frame my Grandpa made is also mine and I'll bring it home as soon as I figure out where to put it. {Insert happy sigh.} I found it intriguing that some of the fabrics used were almost identical to the quilts Chelle made for Leslie, and the scraps we bloggy girls used for Cade's other gifts. (I'll create links for this when I can function better.)

I apologize for the terrible picture. This is the finished quilt with the stains (water rings?). I wanted to show you the beautiful and intricate hand quilting but this picture doesn't come close to doing it justice. Perhaps I'll try again when I come back to fix the links.

I hope you enjoyed peeking at my treasures.

Until next time....

AT THE DOOR

I thought myself indeed secure,

So fast the door, so firm the lock;

But, low! he toddling comes to lure

My parent ear with timorous knock.

My heart were stone could it withstand

The sweetness of my baby's plea-

That timorous baby knocking and

"Please let me in, it's only me."

I threw aside the unfinished book,

Regardless of its tempting charms,

And, opening wide the door, I took

My laughing darling in my arms.

Who knows but in Eternity

I like a truant child shall wait

The glories of a life to be

Beyond a Heavenly Father's gate?

And will that Heavenly Father heed

The truant's supplicating cry,

As at the outer door I plead,

" 'Tis I, O Father! only I?"

-Eugene Field

{long overdue}

I'm not sure how it happened, but summer is over. Perhaps not in the calendar sense, but in the sense that I have been at school all week and have only a few more free days before I am officially back.

Last summer I happily blogged away my days and shared lots of pictures. I sewed and crafted and wrote and photographed and made slide shows and kept my hands busy all the time. This summer I consciously stepped back from technology and activity and spent every moment I could soaking up this magical, fleeting time that is my family's childhood. I've missed the connection with my blog friends, but I am not sorry for my decision... not one little bit.

Still, it makes me a little sad to pull up my blog and see the same stale, albeit happy, post from two months ago. I've been meaning to find time to post an update, but life has been busy and content.

This week, Miss Emma has been waking up at 2:00 every morning. She is in the middle of a big growth spurt, she is cutting molars, and she is potty training. I'm not sure which event is waking her... perhaps a combination of the three... but it's been a rough week. She calls my name until I come to her room or she walks down the hall to my room. Once she knows I'm there, she falls back asleep. Unfortunately, I do not. Once I'm up the pain creeps in and sleep is no longer an option. So here I am at 4:30 in the morning, finally writing a post.

In a normal summer the kids and Todd would relax at home with few scheduled activities and I would teach a class or two at the college or take a class or two to keep up with my teaching credentials. This was not a normal summer.

This summer, the kids have been busy. Very busy. Connor enjoyed basketball camp, tennis camp, and swimming lessons. Rachel enjoyed tennis camp, swimming lessons, and science camp. Even though the camps were all local day camps, it kept us busy running.

I, on the other hand, have done very little. No classes (taking or teaching). No activities. No projects. No Summer Officer Retreat with my high school students.

What have I done with my time?

• I have relaxed.


• I have enjoyed time with my family and even enjoyed a date or two with my husband.


• I have celebrated birthdays with my two older children.


• I have purged almost all of the rooms in my house (and it feels good to declutter!).


• I have gardened.


• I have spent a fair amount of time sorting through my Granny's estate, cleaning her house, dividing treasures, preparing for a sale.


• I have worked with my student officers, largely on the operations of our new start-up business (more on that in a later post).


• I have focused on my health and well-being.


• I have breathed in and breathed out.


• I have planned and organized.

Noteworthy news:

~We have decided to homeschool. We have already received a fair amount of criticism/skepticism but we truly believe it is the best option for our family. Todd has done an amazing job of laying out curriculum and has some very cool projects planned for the kids this year. The kids are very excited. Please keep us in your prayers as we begin this new journey.

~Emma is almost completely potty trained!! She is in big-girl underwear all day (except when she's running around in a sundress with a bare bum, usually accompanied by rainboots and lime-green swim goggles). She has very few accidents during the day (yay, Emma) and now we are working on staying dry at night, which she does about half the time.

~I'm sure there is more, but my brain is foggy. I can't imagine why! ;-)

This post is long enough already, so I'll leave it at that for now. I will try to start posting fairly regularly again. I hope you have had a restful and blessed summer, and thanks for dropping by!

My Best Birthday Ever!

I have a history of 'bad' birthdays. I have too many stories of birthdays that involve trips to the emergency room (mine or others'), plans that didn't work out, and birthdays that were forgotten by my own family (as in my parents and siblings, not my husband and kids). This year I was prepared to forget my own birthday. After all, who wants to turn forty. Yes, forty. Even as I write it, it looks terribly old (especially since most of my blogging friends are in their twenties). Yet somehow this turned out to be my very best birthday ever, thanks to the best husband and kids in the world.

My sweetest day looks something like this:

-Flowers and balloons in my room when I checked in

-Waking up in a cute little cottage at the beach snuggled up next to my dear hubby

-Sneaking into the other room for a little cuddle time with the older kids

-Heading down to the beach with the older kids while Todd and Emma slept in

-Exploring tidepools and enjoying having the beach to ourselves

-Heading back to the cottage and finding Todd and Emma just waking up

-Meeting up with my mom, sister, and sister-in-law for lunch while Todd and the kids go on a "secret mission"

-Spending the afternoon at the Oregon Coast Aquarium with my parents, siblings (all of them... a very rare occurrence), nephews, and my own sweet little family

-Dinner with my husband and kids, complete with chocolate birthday cake

-A beautiful sunset

-Hot cocoa with Todd, Rachel, and Connor while watching the video they made that morning to show me the beautiful handblown glass gifts they made for me (Rachel made me a paperweight, Connor made me a decorative float) --- we picked up my gifts at the studio the next morning

-Lots and lots more snuggles

-A whole day of Emma singing "happy bir-day to momma, cha cha cha"

-And the light on my phone flashing throughout the day to let me know that I had another birthday greeting

I have never felt so loved and cared for! I'll admit that I'm still a little apprehensive about this whole forty thing, but so far it looks pretty promising....